The Examen & Sucking at Prayer.
I suck at prayer.
Here’s my case: I’ve been a Christian my whole life. I know God loves me, and that Jesus gives me grace. I’ve been wanted to be better at a daily faith for years, and have REALLY dove in and explored it. Now — I have great times of consistency in my relationship with Jesus, but I have also had BIG droughts and times where I come back to: “I SUCK at this.”
Studying how Christians have prayed over the last 2000 years has really helped me with this. Within these texts I’ve learned that we all turn towards God at times, and turn away at other times. St. Ignatius, in his Prayer of Examen, refers to this as “Consolation” and “Desolation.”
Moving towards, or moving away. Feeling close or feeling distant. Leaning in and drifting (or hiding).
These last few years, I’ve found a consistently patient, loving God. When I turn back to Him, I see His love, care, and comfort. I remember that I’m far from the first person to stray. Not the best, not the worse. His love for me (and for you) is unchanging, and more than we can hope or imagine. Whether we are drifting away absentmindedly, angry, or clinging back to Him — He doesn’t love us more or less.
This steady love changes my mind, heart and soul. As a therapist, I know that it changes our thinking. When we experience a true, consistent love, that isn’t dependent on us being “good,” we eventually learn to sink into this love, trust the one who loves us, and be less reactive or withdrawn from everyone else. This kind of love in adulthood can repair what we didn’t receive in childhood.
To move from an “I suck at this” posture, to a confident, grace-filled, invited posture, try practicing this —
Examen Prayer
Sit in silence for a few minutes. Think about God’s unchanging love for you.
Ask yourself: When in the last few days did I experience closeness to God? When I did feel Him near, or when did I reach out to connect with Him?
Ask yourself: When, in the last few days, did I feel far from God? When did I feel distance, shame, or the desire to hide?
Share with Jesus what you noticed.
Close in an Abiding Prayer:
God, I need your guidance to have an ever deepening understanding of your love. Please show me more and more of your love.
Speak to me, guide me, give me evidence of your love when I feel far from you.
Invite me in.