Making New Friends Takes Guts

“‘Making new friends takes guts…” I try to tell myself, as I send that text to hang out with a new friend. Without having a big social transition in the last few years, I have found myself lonely. No big friend break ups, no transitions to new towns, or new jobs. I just woke up one day, and felt lonely. Like, I have people, but no one right here next to me when I reach out. It feels like I’ve lost my home base.”

Finding new deep relationships, no matter the reason, is SO hard to do in adulthood. Once our school years are gone, we just don’t meet that many people. And when we’re seeking friendship, it seems like everyone around us to all filled up with enough people. Especially when we find ourselves in a different life stage from people in our same age (like being single surrounded by married people, or childless surrounded by parents), it seems like opportunities to connect are very slim.

So many of us have transitioned churches in the last few years, due to real disagreements, real pain, real struggles with leadership. No matter the reason, I’ve noticed from my therapist chair that our community of faith in Long Beach is shifting. And many of us are working hard to connect, but not finding what we seek.

Next steps —

Think about the basics of friendship from earlier years. Conversation, time spent together, things we have in common, living life in proximity.

Think about who you have in your life that cares for you, even if not in the way you’re looking for.

Reach out to old friends who you’ve missed, but feel unsure about how they’ll respond.

Text that person again. The one who didn’t text you back. Give it another try.

Ask someone to lunch or coffee. Reach out and see if they are open to getting to know you better.

Lean back in. Yes, rejection happens when we try again. But friendship does too.