Episode 7: Shame & Language
Shame is our topic this episode -- and how to begin building resilience against it. Check out the beginning of our arc on these topics with Trauma (Ep 3), Anger (Ep 4) Anxiety (Ep 5&6) and now Shame.
We define shame from Brene Brown:
Shame is an intense painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love or belonging.
And Curt Thompson "The Soul of Shame"
The feeling of: “I am not enough; there is something wrong with me; I am bad or I don’t matter.” The fear that something we’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of affection or love.
12 Categories where Shame is Triggered:
-Appearance and body image
-Money and work
-Mental and physical health
-Being stereotyped or labeled
We first learn that we're worthy of love or affection from our first caretakers (typically Mom and Dad). Bonding, oxytocin chemicals, skin-to-skin contact and how getting our physical needs met meets our emotional needs for the first fear years of life.
Brandon mentioned this article on Romanian Orphanage & Attachment Story: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/romanian-orphans-subjected-to-deprivation-must-now-deal-with-disfunction/2014/01/30/a9dbea6c-5d13-11e3-be07-006c776266ed_story.html?utm_term=.f2cf5a79a370
If this doesn’t happen, it will result in shame (at the very least).
If we have difficult relationships with our first caretakers, it can lead to this sense that “I can’t attach” or “I don’t belong” or I’m not worthy of love,” “I’m invisible."
Brene Brown's Exercise:
Thinking about shame from a physical body perspective: fill in the blank.
I physically feel shame in/on my ________________
It feels like ______________________
I know I’m in shame when I feel _______________
If I could taste shame, it would taste like ________________
If I could smell shame, it would smell like ________________
If I could touch shame, it would feel like _________________
Considering these Statements:
I want to be perceived as ____________ and ____________
I do NOT want to be perceived as ______________