Episode 4: Anger & Advocacy
Anger is good, or can be good for us, because it points to things that are "under the hood" or emotions that are deeper than we sometimes realize. Vulnerable emotions like being sad, anxiety, fear, worry, and shame can sit underneath anger. Brandon + Susette talk about some of their experiences with their own anger. How does anger effect your parenting, and how to kids experience their parents anger.
Trauma is a great way to introduce the concept of anger in our body/brain (limbic system, amygdala, hippocampus, anterior cingulate gyrus), check out Episode 3: Trauma + Hope to hear more about how our brain functions re: trauma, anger, + anxiety. Anger is a secondary emotion. We act with anger to express those underneath emotions: shame, fear, sadness. We can control the anger better than we can the sadness/fear. As we talk about how anger is accepted and received in different cultures-- do you agree with this? How does your cultural background experience anger?
From Eph 4: The emotion of anger is just the emotion. The behavior of anger is what we need to be careful of.
Resentment vs. Rage. The feel of tension underneath the surface can make it hard to tell what's happening for people that we love.
Taking offense should not be part of the Christian life. It allows the angry feeling to take root in you, instead of moving through you.
We have to fight shame sometimes to look "under the hood" with our angry feelings. Using Romans 8:1, feeling free of condemnation + shame and invited into the whole truth of why we respond the way that we do.
Grief + Lament can be part of the process to move through anger. Lament is acknowledging anger, sadness + grief in God's presence, in order to acknowledge reality of our world + lives.
Practicing Empathy is a way to understand the grace that's already given to us (unconditional love from Jesus, and power that He gives us through the Holy Spirit), and to remember that someone that you're feeling angry towards also deserves the grace and love from Jesus (again, see Eph 4).
Assertiveness, aggression, passive-aggression, and passiveness are ways to respond to anger, but the goal is to be ASSERTIVE (care about the other person, and care about yourself). Truth in love in your relationships. We all have work to do in the balance of finding truth in love.
The Desire Line: When I'm angry, ask: What am I really seeking? What do I need? What's underneath this resentment, anger, offended feeling?
What kind of comfort, leading, or direction do you need in order to look at your anger + the emotions underneath? What practice can you try to be ready to look at the truth of what's happening for you?
Check out www.desirelinepodcast.com, under the "Listen" tab to download an exercise called "Welcoming Prayer."
The Welcoming Prayer is one way to TRUST Jesus in the midst of wanting these fundamental needs.
It prompts us to invite (or welcome) Jesus into the parts of our lives where we crave Affection/Love; Security + Safety or Being in Power (Control).